Chapter 96: Do You Know How to Do Plastic Surgery?

"Damn... They must have gotten their rabies shots, right?" Bai Mu swallowed hard.

"Rabies shots? Sorry, but this is a natural enchantment gifted to us by Mother Nature." Parker took the cigar out of his mouth and let out a wolf-like howl: "Get them, boys!"

Seven ninja hounds came charging in with bared fangs.

"Bad doggies... so... so scary!" Bai Mu's legs went weak with fear. Trembling, he fumbled a few round soft balls out of his ninja tool pouch, then suddenly flashed a sly grin:

"Combat always favors the prepared, don't you think, Kakashi?"

"What is that? Parker, get back!!" Kakashi had a very bad feeling about this.

"Tear gas bomb, modified. After last time's experiment, I specially added chili powder this time." Bai Mu slammed the improved smoke bomb hard against the ground, and immediately a thin cloud of reddish smoke billowed out.

"Cough... awooo... awooo..." The ninja hounds' miserable howls echoed from within the smoke. The irritant sting of pepper powder and onions clung to their sensitive noses, and in an instant they couldn't stop sneezing, tears and snot spraying everywhere.

"Kakashi... this kid has no ninja honor... we're pulling out first. Before you sacrifice yourself, remember to fill up our dog bowls—we don't want to live off leftovers every day, ugh..."

Boom, boom, boom, boom... The ninja hounds voluntarily dispelled the summoning jutsu and vanished.

"Quite something, isn't it? Just the two of us again. Want to try a Lightning Cutter with your left hand?" Bai Mu spread his hands.

"I'm wounded. I'm no match for you..." Kakashi hung his head, his left hand slowly reaching into his ninja tool pouch, pulling out a metallic object: "But... there's someone you're terrified of."

The gift Minato Namikaze had given him when he became a jōnin—the Flying Thunder God kunai.

"Heh heh heh... You must be joking. Why would I possibly be afraid of Minato Namikaze blinking and appearing behind me, slitting my throat with a Body Flicker, then choking to death on my own blood in despair... heh heh heh heh..." Bai Mu forced out a dry laugh.

"Then why are you sweating?"

"It's hot out."

"Why are your legs shaking?"

"Cramp."

"Why are you hiding so far away?"

Kakashi coldly watched Bai Mu retreat five hundred meters.

"...Fine, I admit I'm afraid of Minato Namikaze. Is there anyone in the whole ninja world who isn't? It's about staying alive—nothing shameful in that." Bai Mu rubbed his nose and walked back.

"But don't you think it's a bit much for the son of the White Fang, Konoha's most promising newly promoted jōnin, to have to scare people with Minato Namikaze's name? Isn't that like a little brat who cries and tattles after getting beaten up? That's not ninja honor!"

"A sneaky little coward who hides behind Iwagakure, takes a girl hostage, and only dares to show his face after we're wounded—and he talks to me about ninja honor?" Kakashi said coldly.

"Am I really that despicable?" Bai Mu tilted his head and looked at Obito.

"Adorably despicable." Obito nodded frantically.

"Despicable?" Bai Mu then looked at Mahiru, who was sitting on the ground bandaging his own wounds.

"Absolutely despicable." Mahiru nodded.

"Fine... maybe a ninja ought to be a little despicable." Bai Mu wiped his nose and walked toward Kakashi step by step, reaching out to grip the Flying Thunder God kunai alongside him: "I'm not really one to believe in fate... but this time I want to make a bet."

"I bet Minato Namikaze won't come."

"I bet you don't dare summon Minato Namikaze."

"I bet this Flying Thunder God kunai jams."

"In short—come on... let's summon it together. Just inject a little chakra."

Bai Mu stared intently at Kakashi. He remembered very clearly that in the original story, Minato Namikaze hadn't come to the rescue right away—or rather, Kakashi hadn't chosen to call for help immediately.

"Oh... damn it, you two have fun. I'm getting out of here. You're both insane." Mahiru dragged his weakened body through several Body Flickers and scrammed.

Kakashi's face was pale—not from nervousness, but from blood loss. He stared back at Bai Mu: "What exactly do you want?"

He had already lost. He didn't want to disturb Minato's mission.

"Trust me, it'll be fine." Bai Mu glanced at the retreating Mahiru, then slung an arm around Kakashi's shoulder and whispered in his ear: "Long live... Konoha."

Kakashi looked into Bai Mu's sincere eyes, slowly released the Flying Thunder God kunai, and fell unconscious under a single chop to the neck.

Bai Mu quickly smashed the Flying Thunder God kunai into pieces, ground the fragments into powder, fed the iron powder to a rabbit, killed the rabbit and fed it to a dog, killed the dog and fed it to the birds—threw a few birds to the east, a few to the west. Only then did he finally breathe a sigh of relief.

...

Inside a dim cave, the squad's temporary hideout, Oishi's massive frame stood in front of Rin. He looked out at the cave entrance, but no one came for a long time.

"Kabi's not coming. Looks like I'll have to do this myself." Oishi tugged at the white stockings digging uncomfortably into his thighs. Interrogation work was usually left to Kabi, but now he had no choice but to grit his teeth and charge ahead.

Rin looked up at the hulking man in a lolita dress. Thick coarse leg hair that the white stockings couldn't hide, an ugly and ferocious face topped with pink twin tails. Panic churned inside her, and for a moment she had no idea what to call such a freak.

"Big sister... I'm just a lowly genin. I really don't know any intel..."

"Big sister? Still daring to provoke me, even now?" Oishi's ugly face twisted in fury: "I was already ugly enough. Because I lost a bet, I've been forced to wear this outfit, and you're still mocking me!!!"

"No... no... actually, you look quite pretty like this..." Rin quickly changed her tune. So it wasn't that he liked wearing this—he'd been forced into it.

"Pretty, is it..." For the first time in his life, someone had used that word to compliment him. After all, the first word he'd heard when he came into this world was from the midwife who delivered him: "Ugly as sin."

"Yes, yes, yes. Not just pretty—also cute... and beautiful..." Rin tried to drown Oishi in a flood of flattery.

"Heh... little girl, I'm a jōnin. You think a few hollow compliments are going to make me let you off?" Oishi sneered: "Compared to 'ugly,' I'd rather hear the word 'disgusting.'"

Clatter... Oishi pulled out the torture implements Kabi had stored at the camp. He took out a bone-trimming knife and waved it in front of Rin's eyes: "Talk. How many of you came, and how did you get intel on our attack? Otherwise I'll carve a couple of marks on that cute little face of yours and make you uglier than me."

"But... big sister, that knife is for trimming bone. You should use that sharp pointed blade over there..." Rin pointed out Oishi's lack of professionalism.

"Shut up! I don't need you pointing out my mistakes! I want to use this bone-trimming knife! To slice up your little face!" Oishi roared.

"I'm sorry, big sister... that one in your hand is a bone-trimming knife. For cutting faces, you should use that pointed knife." Rin kept nitpicking.

"I don't care what they're called! Right now I'm using the knife in my hand to cut your face! Spill the intel!" Oishi's face was hideous with rage.

"But... the one in your hand is a deboning knife..." Rin said weakly.

Smack, smack, smack, smack...

Oishi slapped himself hard over and over, fury pouring sweat down his face: "Are you really going to keep this up?!"

"I'm sorry. My teacher told me that a medical ninja... can't afford even the slightest mistake..." Rin insisted.

"Medical ninja?... Do you know how to do plastic surgery?"

"...Only a little."