Chapter One: Transmigrated into the World of Naruto, with White Zetsu as My Mother

In the dim underground cavern, grotesque, enormous statues were forever frozen in the midst of their agonized wails. Two pallid, humanoid creatures flailed their limbs in a lively exchange.

“We should just throw him away. He’s been out cold for years—not likely to ever wake up. Probably just a fool,” said one, his body bristling with white thorns.

“No, absolutely not! He’s my child. How can you be so cruel, asking a mother to abandon her own child?” retorted the other, whose body twisted like a spiral. Cradled in his arms was a gaunt, emaciated youth whose eyes remained tightly shut.

“Come off it. You’re White Zetsu, you don’t even have a gender. And he’s nothing but a failed Hashirama cell experiment.”

“I won’t!”

“So, how long exactly do you plan to keep him around?”

“Hush! Let me tell you a little secret—I’m plotting a move that will shake the world! But you mustn’t tell anyone.”

“Oh? Do tell, so I can help everyone else keep it secret!”

“Well… I’m going to raise him until he wakes, nurture him step by step into the strongest ninja, the god who will restore order to the chaos of the ninja world. Then, he’ll marry the most beautiful girl in all the lands, and finally, on his wedding night, as he’s about to consummate the marriage, I’ll crawl out from under the bed and ask him what it feels like to poop…”

“Oh, you truly are a magnificent mother!”

“Really? Then would you mind sparing a little body fluid to feed him? I’m feeling a little dry these days…”

...

With great effort, Baimu opened his eyes, feeling as if his soul had drifted in nothingness for ages. His body ached with a deep soreness; his mind was muddled and sluggish, and he was so weak that even speaking seemed a distant luxury. His vision was nothing but a blur.

“He… he’s really awake!!! All my motherly efforts have not been in vain!”

“It’s a miracle. A failed experiment, yet he’s actually awakened,” Black Zetsu remarked.

Ever since obtaining Hashirama’s cells, Black Zetsu had been researching clones of Senju Hashirama. Yet every experiment produced nothing more than chunks of flesh shaped like a person, none with a soul of their own. In the end, Black Zetsu had to abandon the field of science he was ill-suited for and destroyed all his failed test subjects. Only Spiral White Zetsu, ordered to care for Uchiha Madara in the sunless depths, had, out of boredom, picked up a discarded experiment and decided to raise it. Black Zetsu had thought it was just a whim, that he’d soon grow tired and toss it away, so he hadn’t intervened. To his surprise, Spiral White Zetsu’s motherly instincts had run wild, and he’d been raising the boy for years.

Baimu stared at the two pale, inhuman creatures before him, and at the white-haired old man sitting, head bowed, beneath the monstrous statue in the distance.

“From what I know of this otaku world… this must be… Uchiha Madara’s underground base,” Baimu’s memories instantly matched the scene before his eyes.

“Hey, hey, my little one! I’m your mama, call me ma… ma…” Spiral White Zetsu was beside himself with excitement, thrusting his face close to Baimu’s, his gaze overflowing with… maternal devotion?

“I’m actually White Zetsu’s son? For crying out loud, these single-celled organisms don’t even have intestines—how could they possibly reproduce?! Who was so desperate that they’d even go for White Zetsu?” Baimu screamed internally, though on his face he wore only a dazed, bewildered expression.

White Zetsu was easy to fool, but Black Zetsu and Uchiha Madara, the true masterminds of the ninja world, were no fools. Making a move out of character could get him wiped from existence with a single glance.

“See? Even now that he’s awake, he’s just a simpleton,” said Thorny White Zetsu, spreading his hands.

“No, no, he just can’t speak yet. I’ll teach him, slowly,” Spiral White Zetsu insisted, waving his hands emphatically. He pointed to Black Zetsu at his side. “Little one, this is Daddy Black Zetsu. Say da… da…”

“What? So you’re hermaphroditic and self-reproducing? Black Zetsu, I never thought you were that kind of person…” Baimu’s eyes suddenly took on a suggestive glint, wondering just how this black-and-white pairing had worked.

Did that make him Kaguya’s lucky grandson?

“Hmph. You two can play all you want, but if you interfere with our plans, even if Madara doesn’t do it, I’ll personally see to his destruction,” Black Zetsu snorted coldly, paying no mind to the newly awakened vegetable.

“Oh, Daddy Black Zetsu, you’re so heartless, scaring a child like that! He’s still just a kid,” Spiral White Zetsu protested, hugging Baimu’s frail body tighter.

“I’ll be leaving for a while to gather intelligence. You two stay here and look after Madara. He still needs to sleep a while longer—don’t let anyone disturb him,” Black Zetsu said, glancing at the vacant Baimu before sinking into the wall and vanishing.

With Black Zetsu gone and Madara still in his slumber, only the two dim-witted White Zetsus remained—nature’s golden opportunity for adaptation.

Baimu tried moving his limbs, but he was as feeble as a newborn kitten, incapable of any action. After all, as a failed experiment and a vegetable for over a decade, his muscles had all but wasted away.

“I think he needs a name,” Thorny White Zetsu suggested.

“Good idea! What should we call him…” Spiral White Zetsu pondered.

“Well, I, as his dear mother, raised him with my own hands… plus, he was cultivated for eight years using the First Hokage’s cells, and the First Hokage excelled in Wood Release…”

“Yes, yes, Wood… Baimu… Baimu…” Baimu thought inwardly, that’ll save me from having to change my name.

“Let’s call him Number Eight!” Spiral White Zetsu stuck up a thumb. “I’m a genius at names!”

“Mmm… mmm! Mmm… mmm!” Baimu struggled with all his might.

“Look, look! The child’s so happy he’s calling out! He must love the name, Number Eight! Number Eight!” Spiral White Zetsu exclaimed, brimming with excitement.

Baimu convulsed, his eyes rolling back as he nearly fainted.

“I still think Baimu is better. Number Eight sounds weak—he’ll get laughed at in the future,” Thorny White Zetsu was, at heart, a good guy.

“You’re my real mom,” Baimu finally breathed a sigh of relief.

“That makes sense… then his formal name is Baimu, but his nickname is Number Eight,” Spiral White Zetsu declared, ignoring Baimu’s evident resistance.

“What’s going on with my body, anyway? Why do I feel like a lump of putty, completely powerless?” Baimu wondered anxiously.

Just then, a screen flashed before his eyes:

Name: Baimu
Race: Hashirama Cell Clone (Defective)
Gender: Male
Date of Birth: Year 33, April 4, Leaf Village

Life Energy: 5 (Even cockroaches score higher than you)
Chakra: 5 (Chronic deficiency)
Life Regeneration: 1/day (Even a paper cut could kill you)
Chakra Regeneration: 1/day (This illness can’t wait—seek treatment now)
Physical Defense: 0 (Even a scrap of clothing would help)
Ninjutsu Defense: 0 (Itachi, quick! A Fireball Jutsu would blow him sky-high!)
Maximum Movement Speed: 1 meter/second (Even old ladies at supermarket sales walk 2 meters!)
Status: Full body muscle atrophy after years as a vegetable
Available Skills: None
Gold: 500
Evaluation: A single Pakkun could kill a hundred thousand of you

“So I’m a defective product cultivated from Hashirama’s cells and White Zetsu, that clown, took me in as his child. No wonder—it’s not like anyone would ever actually do that with White Zetsu.”

“Is this my system? What does it do?” Baimu called out in his mind.

[League of Heroes System. Complete missions to earn rewards based on your evaluation: gold, hero skills, experience. Gold can be spent in the shop for items.]

[Newbie Mission: Unplug Uchiha Madara’s oxygen tube]

[Note: A true man must have the courage to pull the oxygen tube.]

[Reward: Random hero skill draw]

[Failure: No penalty]

“System, are you trying to get me killed with this mission?” Baimu twitched his lips. This was a newbie mission? More like a suicide mission!

[You could play it safe and abandon this mission, but let me warn you—newbie tasks with rewards this generous are rare. Give up one, and it’s gone for good.] The system seemed to reply to his thoughts, showing some measure of wit.

[Just give up. No one can unplug Uchiha Madara’s oxygen tube. He could kill you with a glance.]

“True, playing it safe does mean living longer…”

“But… if traveling to another world isn’t for joy, what’s the point in living a little longer in hiding?” A faint, mischievous smile tugged at the corner of Baimu’s lips.