Chapter Eight: The Hokage with the Crooked Smile, God of War

Bai Mu was preparing to leave, but the busiest one was Whirlwind White Zetsu. He bustled about like a true housekeeper, rushing out for several days in a row to hunt down dozens of shinobi from various villages, stuffing every nook and cranny with ninja tools—he even packed explosive tags into his underwear. Bai Mu genuinely feared that one day, if the tags somehow caught fire, his own "little brother" would be sent straight to the heavens.

Unfortunately, as someone who had transmigrated into this world, Bai Mu had never properly attended a shinobi academy. He couldn't throw shuriken or trigger explosive tags; to him, carrying them was like lugging around ticking time bombs. Not knowing when disaster might strike, he was forced to decline White Zetsu's well-intentioned gifts.

Even the ninja tools that Madara Uchiha had stashed in the base were secretly given to Bai Mu by White Zetsu, nearly crushing him to death. But since he didn’t know how to use them, he only took the bloodstained Mundo Cleaver he’d hidden in the pile, along with Obito’s old single-eyed spiral mask.

White Zetsu was baffled—when did Madara’s collection start including a rusty kitchen knife? Had Lord Madara’s taste really sunk so low?

“It’s time for me to go...” This was the eighteenth time Bai Mu had tried to say goodbye. Every previous attempt had been thwarted by White Zetsu, who’d find a way to stall him—hiding his shoes one moment, pretending to die and demanding a hug the next.

“Child, when you’re out there, don’t be picky with food—eat more and grow up quickly. Remember to bathe every day, soak in hot water to keep warm, and don’t stay up late. You must get enough sleep...

“There are many strange men and women outside—never let yourself be seduced by any odd men. Your rectum is for one purpose only...

“And most importantly, keep your sense of humor! If you can’t find anything to laugh about out there, come home at once—Mama will always have jokes for you.

“And finally... Bai Bao, Mama loves you.”

White Zetsu’s nagging was just like Naruto’s mother’s, moving Bai Mu to tears—his real mother had never fretted over him like this, even when he left home to work in his previous life.

“Mama...”

“Bai Bao...”

“Oh, honestly, if you two don’t get moving, it’ll be dark again and another day wasted,” needled Spiked White Zetsu from the side, dripping with sarcasm.

“Though I truly don’t want to part, it’s time. There’s no exit to this underground base, so I’ll escort you out. Come, enter my body without hesitation.” Turning his back to Bai Mu, Whirlwind White Zetsu patted his own rear and unwound his spiral-shaped body.

“Damn!... Why do you have to say such embarrassing things? Can’t you act normal?” Bai Mu tugged awkwardly at the corner of his mouth, then squeezed into White Zetsu’s body. Instantly, he felt as if he were wrapped in a sponge, countless streams of chakra pouring into him through every pore, flooding him with strength.

Status: Equipped with White Zetsu
[Life Energy +1000, Chakra +1000]
(Main body too weak to bear more power.)

“Two major attributes, but I can’t use them all... what a shame,” Bai Mu sighed in resignation, knowing that by clinging to a stronger ally, his reward would be cut.

“Let Mama show you what it means to ascend to the heavens!” With that, Whirlwind White Zetsu charged headfirst into a wall, plunging Bai Mu into darkness as they phased through all obstacles without resistance.

This was the unique Black and White Zetsu technique: “Earth Mayfly Technique,” allowing them to travel freely through soil and wood, evading almost all detection ninjutsu—a trick that had let Black Zetsu stir up chaos from the shadows of the shinobi world for millennia without being caught.

“A mining technique like this is wasted on terrorism. If you sent a hundred thousand White Zetsus out to dig, not needing food, sleep, or overtime pay, they could multiply the world’s GDP a hundredfold—bury Konoha in cash alone. Black Zetsu really chose the wrong path.” Bai Mu shook his head.

There’s no future in terrorism; after thousands of years, it still can’t make the big leagues. What they really lacked was a good mentor to lead them into honest industry.

Within a few minutes, White Zetsu had ferried them out of the underground base and into a forest above ground. Sunlight dappled through the leaves onto Bai Mu’s almost translucent pale skin, warm and gentle—he’d never realized before how precious sunlight could feel.

After more than half a month in darkness, only now did he understand its value.

“Ah... this is what it means to be alive,” Bai Mu murmured, eyes closed, arms open in embrace of the natural world.

“You have to live well... you must,” White Zetsu started a teary farewell once more.

Bai Mu simply withdrew his consciousness into the system to claim his reward, figuring that by the time he finished chatting with the system, White Zetsu’s sentimental speech would be over.

“Ding! Mission: Take to the Seas, complete!”

“Rating: Ordinary.”

“Reward: One random hero skill draw.”

“Wait! Never mind the skill for now—what do you mean, ‘ordinary rating’? It was just a trip out—what was I supposed to do, put on a show?” Bai Mu was full of confusion.

“It’s just ordinary, as plain as water. No drama, no excitement for the audience—so your rating is low. Let me break down the scoring:

Failure: No reward
Ordinary: Standard reward
Well done: Standard reward + bonus gold
Spectacular: Double reward.”

That was the system’s reply.

“??? All I did was leave the house—how am I supposed to make it dramatic? Why don’t you show me how to get a ‘spectacular’ rating?” Bai Mu protested.

“Tch, just because you can’t doesn’t mean others can’t. Ahem, let me show you—pay attention, you’ll absorb as much as you’re capable of!” The system coughed and began to simulate a scenario...

...

Bai Mu strode up to Black Zetsu, clenching his fists, gaze unwavering.

“Ten years ago, my bloodline was taken from me. I’ve endured in silence all this time—you all thought I was nothing but a cripple. But now, the ten-year mark has arrived. It’s time for my awakening. The dignity I lost, I will reclaim it with my own hands!”

Black Zetsu sneered. “Oh? And who are you supposed to be? Turns out you’re just a useless wretch.”

Bai Mu’s voice was deep and steady. “This time, I’ve come to save the shinobi world.”

Black Zetsu laughed coldly. “Save the world? What arrogance—from you? You can barely walk straight, you’re still a nobody.”

Bai Mu responded, “I’m not the same as before. Watch your words.”

Black Zetsu continued to scoff. “Trash is always trash—you can’t even threaten people properly. With Lord Madara asleep, I am the god of the shinobi world. If you want to survive here, kneel and apologize. Out of respect for White Zetsu, I might let you live. Otherwise... don’t blame me for casting you out!”

Bai Mu sneered in turn. “An organization like this isn’t worth my time!”

White Zetsu’s main body was enraged: “How dare you speak to Lord Black Zetsu like that! Kneel and beg for mercy!”

Bai Mu flung his viral cleaver, skimming it right past Black Zetsu’s crotch—there was a swish as his trousers split in two, not so much as a scratch on his skin.

Black Zetsu was shocked. “What! Who are you, to have such precise technique?”

Bai Mu’s face took on a holy glow. “Who am I? I am the savior of the shinobi world, the god who will correct the world’s injustices, the guide who will lead this world of conflict to peace!”

“Insolence!” Black Zetsu shouted, but quietly whispered to White Zetsu, “Quick, wake Lord Madara!”

Madara Uchiha awoke, smacking Black Zetsu across the face. “How dare you disrespect Lord Bai Mu? Kneel, now!”

Black Zetsu was stunned.

Madara bowed to Bai Mu. “Madara Uchiha pays homage to the Lord of Kings!”

Bai Mu’s lips curled into a wicked, charming smile.

...

“Got it now?” the system sneered.

“Good grief... Is this the strongest son-in-law of the Hidden Leaf? But... how am I supposed to convince Black Zetsu and Madara to play along?” Bai Mu scratched his head.

“Some wood can’t be carved. Just do this... then this... and finally this... Understand?” The system muttered for ages, but Bai Mu didn’t grasp a word.

“...How about this: you be the transmigrator and let me be the system instead.” Bai Mu offered in earnest, realizing that his acting skills paled in comparison—there was always a higher mountain and a greater person.

“I wish I could,” the system grumbled.

“Anyway, let’s get on with the skill draw, shall we? Help me out—Yasuo, set it up.” Bai Mu pleaded.

The wheel spun.

“Ding!”

A hoarse voice...

“I have no brain, but soon, neither will you!”

“Ancient Fear—Fiddlesticks”

(Original title: Harbinger of Doom, commonly known as the Scarecrow.)

“...I think I already know what skill this is,” Bai Mu muttered, feeling a sense of dread.

“Fear: Cast a terrifying illusion on the enemy, causing them to panic and flee. The effect and duration depend on the enemy’s willpower and the specific situation.”