Ninjas Should Build Tank Items

In the dim underground cavern, grotesque, enormous statues were forever frozen in the midst of their agonized wails. Two pallid, humanoid creatures flailed their limbs in a lively exchange.

“We should just throw him away. He’s been out cold for years—not likely to ever wake up. Probably just a fool,” said one, his body bristling with white thorns.

“No, absolutely not! He’s my child. How can you be so cruel, asking a mother to abandon her own child?” retorted the other, whose body twisted like a spiral. Cradled in his arms was a gaunt, emaciated youth whose eyes remained tightly shut.

“Come off it. You’re White Zetsu, you don’t even have a gender. And he’s nothing but a failed Hashirama cell experiment.”

“I won’t!”

“So, how long exactly do you plan to keep him around?”

“Hush! Let me tell you a little secret—I’m plotting a move that will shake the world! But you mustn’t tell anyone.”

“Oh? Do tell, so I can help everyone else keep it secret!”

“Well… I’m going to raise him until he wakes, nurture him step by step into the strongest ninja, the god who will restore order to the chaos of the ninja world. Then, he’ll marry the most beautiful girl in all the lands, and finally, on his wedding night, as he’s about to consummate the marriage, I’ll crawl out from under the bed and ask him what it feels like to poop…”

“Oh, you truly are a magnificent mother!”

“Really? Then would you mind sparing a little body fluid to feed him? I’m feeling a little dry these days…”

...

With great effort, Baimu opened his eyes, fe