Chapter 39: The Horn～～～

The two of them didn’t end up fighting; instead, Yu Ba volunteered himself as Baimu’s guide, enthusiastically introducing everything about Godless Town, despite Baimu’s repeated insistence that he needed no guide at all.

The entire town was saturated with taverns, brothels, and gambling dens. Even in broad daylight, drunkards staggered and shouted rowdily in the streets, and every few steps, a body lay sprawled on the filth-strewn ground—whether dead or merely passed out was anyone’s guess.

Chaos, lawlessness, filth, stench, vice, greed...

This town was constructed out of these very words.

“A greenhorn like you, so pampered and soft-skinned—if you don’t have someone watching out for you, you’ll be knocked out and sold to a brothel before nightfall, forced to work your ass off,” Yu Ba argued strenuously, determined to prove his worth.

“And what about me? Where would I be sold? Maybe a restaurant?” Afei, in his feline form, grinned broadly, revealing a mouthful of sharp teeth.

“Oh... damn, a talking cat that’s actually cute! Your appearance would clear out every sack in Godless Town—the drunkards would buy them all just to catch you!” Yu Ba’s eyes nearly bulged from his head. “The noble ladies of Daiming Mansion would sell their fortunes to buy you.”

“Oh? I prefer green sacks. They’re healthier,” Afei replied with an unbothered grin.

Baimu hesitated, then decided to avoid unnecessary trouble. “Afei, better not speak.”

“Yup, just because you can fight doesn’t mean you can survive in Godless Town. The ones who die fastest are usually the strong ones. This scum will use every dirty trick in the book,” Yu Ba said, clearly satisfied with Baimu’s reaction—if the cat kept quiet, he alone could have it. That was the price he paid for losing two front teeth.

“Where’s the exchange house?” Baimu had no interest in wandering these excrement-ridden streets.

“Oh? Looking to post a commission? You can come to me! No commission fee from the exchange house—I used to be a Jonin from Rain Hidden Village, cheap rates and reliable service. From assassinating Hokage to offing a stray dog, I take it all,” Yu Ba said, tapping his battered forehead protector.

“And then you run off with the deposit?” Baimu snorted. The exchange house’s fees might be steep, but at least they offered some guarantee. Hire these lowlifes for a private job, and you’d never see them again.

“Come on, you should trust Old Yu Ba. He’s the most trustworthy mercenary ninja in this town! His professional ethics are as solid and sturdy as the Third Raikage’s ass!” Yu Ba squawked.

“Ahaha... the Third Raikage’s ass!” Afei laughed till he was out of breath. “I should have come to the ninja world sooner—so many funny jokes. I’ll have to test just how sturdy it is if I get a chance.”

Baimu nearly burst out laughing as well. This Yu Ba was something else—the Third Raikage was known as the Ultimate Shield, after all...

Ding!

Mission acquired: Pinch the Third Raikage’s buttocks.

Reward: ...

“Oh, you damn system, don’t even tell me the reward. I wouldn’t do it for ten thousand gold coins,” Baimu rejected the mission outright—it was pure suicide.

“Think about it! My sword is so fast, it doesn’t even cast a shadow!” Yu Ba continued to sell himself, but his whole appearance didn’t look like he was hiding any swords. Was he really a Shadowless Blade?

“I’m not here to post a commission. I’m looking for someone,” Baimu replied.

“Looking for someone? Now that’s my specialty! In all Godless Town, whether it’s cats or dogs—as long as they have a name, there’s no one I don’t know!” Yu Ba thumped his chest.

“Hey, Yu Ba, you old mutt! When are you paying your bar tab?” A tavern owner dumping slop by the roadside cursed at him.

“Bah! I owe my tab fair and square—why should I pay? Don’t interfere with my business!” Yu Ba spat back.

“Get lost! If I see you in my place again, you’re dead!” With a splash, a bucket of slop flew out.

“Damn, is everyone here this filthy?” Baimu leapt three meters away, narrowly avoiding the mess.

“What can you do? Folks here like it this way.” Yu Ba brushed the filth off his shoes. “So, who are you looking for?”

“Kakuzu. Is he here?” Baimu stopped and looked Yu Ba in the eyes.

For a mercenary ninja in Iwagakure, the quickest way to avoid being a low-ranking thug was to latch onto a well-known powerhouse.

“Ka...Ka...Kakuzu? You’re looking for that old...old...old-timer?!” At the mention of Kakuzu, Yu Ba’s bravado evaporated; all the curses he’d been holding in died on his lips.

“What do you think? Of course I have business with him. Do you know where he is or not?” Baimu rolled his eyes.

“Shhh... that old monster is not welcome here. Just mentioning his name sends these people scurrying like mice hearing a cat!” Yu Ba glanced around furtively, lowering his voice. Luckily, no one was nearby.

“Kakuuuuuu—” Afei drew out the name in a dramatic tenor.

In an instant, everyone nearby—even the drunkards—snapped to attention, their eyes wide with terror as they searched for the source.

Yu Ba hurriedly clamped a hand over Afei’s mouth. “Are you trying to get us killed? You can’t say that name here!”

After a long, tense silence, and with no second half of the name uttered, the crowd finally returned to their business—brawling, drinking, as if nothing had happened.

“Hahahaha, fascinating,” Afei laughed heartily.

“So can you tell me more?” Baimu suddenly felt a keen interest in this Kakuzu outside the world of anime.

“Of course! But... nothing comes free, you know? Buy me two drinks and I’ll tell you everything!” Yu Ba’s eyebrows waggled with sly intent.

“Fine, your choice of place. But make it the best tavern—you won’t catch me drinking swill,” Baimu agreed readily. How much could a drink cost, anyway?

“No problem! In this town, I know exactly which bars water their booze, and which ones booze up their water,” Yu Ba declared, thumping his chest.

Fat Dog Tavern.

A shack cobbled together from rotten boards, it looked ready to collapse in a stiff breeze. The sign, once painted with a fat dog, was so weathered it was impossible to make out.

“I told you to pick the best tavern, and this is what you found?” Baimu pinched his nose as he surveyed the noisy, filthy interior. Even a pigsty would be cleaner.

“Hey, kid, you wanted the best tavern, not the cleanest. A good tavern is all about atmosphere! You get it?” Yu Ba grinned.

“Fine, let’s do it here. The other places don’t look any better,” Baimu said, glancing at the surrounding establishments—Pig Head Tavern, Broken Pot Tavern, Rabbit Tavern—and shaking his head.

“Here, wear this.” Yu Ba handed over a filthy red armband, leering. “It marks you as a VIP of the exchange house. With this, no one will dare mess with you. Otherwise, someone as soft as you... heh heh heh...”

“Why don’t I get one? Am I not a VIP?” Afei wanted one too.

“Alright, one for you as well!” Yu Ba dug around in his pockets, produced another red armband, spat on it, rubbed it in, and stuck it to Afei’s forehead.

Afei finally broke into a satisfied grin.

“This thing probably means: This fat sheep is already spoken for—no one else may touch,” Baimu remarked, eyeing the ram design on the armband, but putting it on his arm all the same.

Yu Ba’s smile froze. “So... you knew?”

“Ha! Back in my home, that trick was outdated twenty years ago,” Baimu sneered.

“Then why wear it?” Yu Ba was puzzled.

“Better to have one sly old dog watching than be swarmed by a pack of annoying flies. Let’s hope this old dog can hold his ground.”

“Don’t worry. Once Yu Ba has his eye on someone, nobody else dares interfere,” Yu Ba replied, grinning again and revealing a mouthful of broken teeth where his front ones were missing.