Chapter 20: The Thousand-Year Strike

“Lord Shikafuku... Lord Minato...”

Shiraki had barely stepped out of the command tent when a wailing cry erupted outside. Ebisu, sobbing and wiping away tears, entered with Genma Shiranui and Might Guy accompanying him.

Having his ninja tool pouch and clothes stolen was a minor thing—even fifty copies of “Make-Out Paradise” could be restocked. But his forehead protector had been taken, and that was serious; he had to report it and apply for a replacement.

“What’s going on? Dressed like that—crying like an old lady.” Shikafuku Nara barked in anger.

“Lord Shikafuku, I—ah!” Ebisu looked up and spotted Shiraki inside the tent. He screamed at once.

Shiraki was idly tossing a copy of “Make-Out Paradise” in his hand, a wicked grin on his face. To Ebisu, he looked nothing like a captive, more like a guest.

If Ebisu dared expose him, Shiraki would just turn the tables and say he’d seen this man sneaking around the river talking to someone—he’d thought him a spy. After all, he hadn’t really done anything to him.

“What is it now, making such a fuss?” Shikafuku Nara frowned.

“Lord Shikafuku... do you think my... attire suits me?” Ebisu tried a coquettish smile.

“Out!” Shikafuku roared.

Ebisu fled like a stray dog, scrambling and stumbling. Genma scratched his head, clueless, while Guy grinned a dazzling smile at Kakashi, gave a thumbs-up, and dashed out as well.

“Lord Shikafuku, then I’ll take my leave too,” Shiraki said with a bow.

“Very well. Make sure you get some rest,” Shikafuku nodded.

...

By the time Shiraki stepped out, it was mealtime. The vast Konoha camp was filled everywhere with the aroma of food, making Shiraki nearly drool. After a month of drinking White Zetsu’s secretions, his mouth had all but forgotten the taste of real food.

Konoha’s rations were truly excellent. The Land of Fire boasted the strongest national power and the richest resources in the shinobi world. With the war underway, the fate of the Land of Fire rested entirely on Konoha’s shoulders, and the daimyo spared no effort in support—chicken, duck, fish, meat, milk, fruit, countless supplies flowed to the front lines, ensuring the ninjas could face the enemy at their very best.

The kitchen was of utmost importance: every cook in the camp was from the Akimichi clan, no outsiders allowed, guaranteeing the safety of the food. No one could afford for the ninja brats to fall ill from something they ate.

Food was supplied without limit—as much as one could eat, one could take. There was even roast meat and hotpot available for order, though that cost extra; life here hardly felt like the front line at all.

It reminded Shiraki of the American army in World War II.

He longed to transform into a glutton and walk off with an entire cow, but his still-recovering body simply couldn’t handle such excess. Regretfully, he settled for a rack of lamb with lemon juice, making do as best he could.

Though there was no explicit rule separating jonin, chunin, and genin during meals, everyone still habitually gathered in their own squads.

Kakashi’s team, along with Hayate Gekkou, and the ever-sneaky Ebisu with his squad, all gathered together.

“Why isn’t Kitty eating?” Rin asked curiously, patting Afei. Everyone else’s plates were piled high, but Afei’s was empty.

“Because Afei is a high-level adorable creature with no large intestine! Enjoying the convenience of not needing to eat, but suffering the agony of never experiencing a bowel movement,” Afei replied, clearly delighting in being petted.

“What does that mean?” Rin was confused.

“Mama Cat’s been eating too much of everything lately—seems a bit constipated,” Shiraki translated, tearing into his lamb.

“That’s so sad. I’m a medical ninja—maybe I can help.” Rin’s hands glowed blue as she massaged Afei’s belly. “This helps stimulate peristalsis and relieves constipation. Now Kitty can eat again.”

“Ohhh... I can’t feel my intestines, but this feels so good... Is this what it’s like to poop?” Afei rolled onto his back, purring in bliss.

“Rin...” Obito gulped as he watched Afei. “I think... I might be a little constipated too...”

“Really? I’ll give you a massage later as well.” Rin smiled sweetly.

“Oh, oh!” Obito’s face flushed with happiness.

Konoha Secret Taijutsu Technique: Thousand Years of Death!

With blinding speed, Kakashi formed the Tiger hand seal and drove his hands mercilessly into Obito’s backside.

“Mmm...” Obito’s face turned even redder.

“Aaaargh!” His howl nearly set off the camp’s alarms.

“All better? If not, I can always do it again,” Kakashi dusted off his hands, face utterly merciless.

“Enough... enough...” Obito collapsed, tears streaming down his face, as if he’d truly tasted a millennium of death.

Shiraki’s expression stiffened—he’d just received a mission.

“Hidden Quest: Experience Kakashi’s Thousand Years of Death.”

“Reward: 100 gold coins.”

“System, what do you take me for? Just 100 gold for my dignity?” Shiraki asked inwardly.

“Reward increased: 200 gold coins.”

“No, no, it’s not about the money. This concerns my innocence,” Shiraki protested.

“Reward increased: 500 gold coins.”

Shiraki swallowed hard.

“Money means nothing to me—I’m not that kind of person. I’d never sell myself for 500 gold coins. This is the white lotus that’s accompanied me through two lifetimes...”

“Unless it’s 1000 gold coins...”

“Take it or leave it!” The system scoffed and vanished.

Shiraki looked at the suffering Obito, took a deep breath, and shook his head. Just 500 gold coins—he wasn’t that desperate.

“Feeling better? Try some fish,” Rin offered a bowl of fish soup to Afei.

“I can’t really digest it, but for your sake, I’ll force down a bite,” Afei said, and with a yawning maw bigger than a lion’s, swallowed the soup and the bowl whole.

Burp~

“What terrible table manners!” Rin laughed softly, hand over her mouth. There were plenty of strange creatures in the shinobi world; no need to fuss over something so trivial.

Shiraki tore another chunk from his lamb. The joy of eating meat was beyond compare; his taste buds sang—this was true happiness!

“Um... do you think... you could return my forehead protector and book...?” Ebisu sidled up.

Shiraki tossed back the forehead protector; it meant nothing to him. As for the book...

Heh. If he played this right, that was 5000 gold coins in the bag!

“Remember to wash the clothes and bring them back,” Shiraki said—he planned to make more side money from that disguise.

“By the way, as a token of my gratitude, I have a few novels here. Please, don’t be shy—study them well.” Shiraki, generous as ever, pulled several books from Afei’s mouth, handing one to each of the named characters from the original story.

Afei’s belly was always empty—perfect for storage.

Ebisu watched, heartbroken as if torn in two. Each of those books could fetch a thousand ryo...

“Oh? What are you all reading?” Minato Namikaze appeared, having just finished his meeting in the command tent. He fondly ruffled Obito and Kakashi’s hair.

“It’s a great book, written by one of the Three Legendary Shinobi—Master Jiraiya himself! I happened to find a couple by the river, probably dropped by some poor bookseller being chased,” Shiraki smiled, handing Minato a copy as well.

“Oh! Jiraiya-sensei’s second book? I still have his first, ‘The Ninja’s Tale of Perseverance,’ with me. It’s been ages—I can’t believe there’s a sequel.” Minato laughed with delight.

“The author is your teacher, Lord Minato? Then you have to read it!” Shiraki grinned—another 100 gold coins in the bag.