Chapter Five: Helping Elderly Individuals with Mobility Challenges Return to the Stage

"Let me take a couple of years to recover, I'm afraid my fragile heart can't handle this shock. I might just have a cerebral hemorrhage. Let me draw a lottery to ease my mood first." Bai Mu kept taking deep breaths.

"Look at you, what a coward. So many transmigrators dream of teasing Madara Uchiha and fail, and here you are, complaining." The system rolled its eyes disdainfully.

A dazzling roulette appeared out of nowhere in the room, its pointer shaped like a cute black-and-white penguin, unmoving in the center, while a multitude of hero portraits spun slowly around it.

"Wait, isn't this the Penguin Roulette?" Bai Mu sounded a little uneasy.

"Don't worry, we're an honest vendor, thoroughly inspected, no shady business, no tricks. Even if there were..."

"Do you even get to choose?" the system sneered.

"Fine... I really don't have a choice. But I pray I get a character who moves freely through crowds, the wind brushing my hair, charging forward without hesitation. Here goes!" Bai Mu pulled the roulette hard, and at once, vibrant neon lights flickered as countless portraits merged into a dazzling swirl.

"Yasuo! Yasuo!! Yasuo!!! Mid Yasuo, please!" Bai Mu prayed fervently. Who cares about the start—coming to the world of Naruto and not playing as the carefree, wind-like man would be a waste of this opportunity.

The roulette gradually slowed to a halt.

Bai Mu stared in silence at the pointer resting on a dull, foolish-looking portrait.

"Mundo thinks you're a big softie!"

"Zaun's Madman, Dr. Mundo"

"His mind and perception utterly shattered, his thirst for killing insatiable, his skin purple-black—this is Dr. Mundo. This is why Zaun's people dare not step out at night. This simple-minded terror seems to care only about pain—not just inflicting it, but feeling it. He swings a massive cleaver with ease. He’s infamous for capturing and torturing dozens of Zaun residents. He calls his actions 'surgery,' but there's no real purpose. He is cruel and merciless. He comes and goes like a ghost. He goes wherever he wants. And to be clear, he isn’t truly a doctor."

"Mundo? Why Mundo? Did you make a mistake?" Bai Mu, frail and fragile, was the ultimate glass cannon—what use was a tank like Dr. Mundo?

Was he supposed to heal himself with his ultimate for just 155 points of life?

"Weren't you after a free-spirited wind-like man? Mundo goes wherever he pleases! Isn’t that freedom enough?" The system laughed.

"This is way too different!" Bai Mu howled in frustration.

"Alright, time to draw a skill." As soon as the system finished, five skill icons began flashing beneath Dr. Mundo’s portrait.

"Heaven help me, please don't let me get percent-based healing!" Bai Mu could only make a final prayer.

Stop!

"Skill acquired: Viral Cleaver"

"Viral Cleaver: Cooldown: 4 seconds, Cost: 5 life energy points. Dr. Mundo throws a viral cleaver in a straight line, dealing physical damage to the target, with a chance to cause dismemberment."

"Note: You'll need to prepare your own cleavers!"

"This is outrageous! System, explain, what does it mean I need to prepare my own cleaver? Are these skills weaponless?" Bai Mu roared, nearly choking in anger.

"What did you expect? If you drew Aurelion Sol, should I fetch you a star? Besides, if you keep tossing cleavers endlessly, the NPCs will catch on." The system shrugged.

"So, I need to carry several cleavers at my waist when I go out?" Bai Mu asked, tilting his head.

"Exactly!"

"Like hell! How am I supposed to maintain my image?" Bai Mu had raged so much today, he could barely breathe.

"That’s not my problem. But I can sponsor your first cleaver as a personal gift." With that, a jagged cleaver, covered in bits of flesh and filthy blood, reeking of stench, appeared in the system’s hand.

"That's more like it..." Bai Mu glanced at the two White Zetsus, carefully tucked the cleaver into his coat, planning to toss it into Madara Uchiha's weapon pile later, then retrieve it.

"Any other questions?" the system asked.

"I want to know, since this is a League of Legends system, shouldn’t I get summoner skills too?" Bai Mu asked.

"You do. You can pick two, but I suggest you choose when you need them. Changing skills costs 500 gold, and the price will go up." The system kindly reminded him.

"Is there a revive?" Bai Mu’s eyes shone. If there was revive, he could recklessly tempt fate.

"There is. Cooldown: one year. Want to select it?" The system scoffed.

"I’ll choose it when the time comes." Bai Mu grinned sheepishly.

...

Upon leaving the system space, Spiral White Zetsu, the motherly figure, was nagging in Bai Mu’s ear, urging him to cherish life and steer clear of courting death.

But as the saying goes, fortune favors the bold. Only by brushing close to death can one grasp the essence of life.

Death, like the wind, is ever at my side.

A lifetime as a coward, or five seconds as a true man?

With revive as his backup, Bai Mu’s lips curled into a slow smile. Isn’t life meant for thrills?

To dance with the tyrant of Konoha—he accepted the mission.

"Mom, I’m hungry." Bai Mu shamelessly spoke, having fully accepted this genderless mother thanks to White Zetsu’s earlier plea.

"Child’s request! Immediately! Let’s get it done!" Spiral White Zetsu promptly squeezed two drops of milky-white fluid onto her fingertips.

For a full week, Bai Mu stayed in the underground base, doing calisthenics to restore his atrophied muscles. The two goofy White Zetsus found it amusing and often joined him.

With White Zetsu’s life fluid supplementing him and proper exercise, Bai Mu’s stats had returned to normal:

Life Energy: 100+150

Chakra: 100

Evaluation: Your progress is making Parker feel some pressure.

These stats were about those of a second-year student at the ninja academy, but promising. Once fully recovered, this Hashirama clone template should be decent.

He hadn’t seen sunlight in ages, and Bai Mu was impatient to leave, but first he had to finish his task of dancing with Madara Uchiha, to give himself a survival edge.

Mundo’s viral cleaver and Ahri’s charm wouldn’t give him the slightest sense of security.

"Child! Today, let’s sweat it out again with some passionate exercise!" Spiral White Zetsu twisted her waist in motion.

Bai Mu, however, gazed at Madara Uchiha with melancholy—a sign of his inner drama queen.

"What’s wrong, child?" Spiral White Zetsu noticed Bai Mu’s concern.

"I think, after lying for so many years, my limbs became this weak; Lord Madara always sits without moving, his body must be rusting—how uncomfortable that must be..." Bai Mu’s face was full of worry.

"Well...that’s true, but if you move Lord Madara’s body without permission, and he wakes up, he might get angry." Spiral White Zetsu, carefree on the surface, was actually deeply afraid of Madara.

"We’re just kindly helping Lord Madara stretch his limbs, promote blood flow, and prevent edema. Didn’t Black Zetsu instruct us to take good care of him before leaving?"

Bai Mu remembered clearly: in his previous life, when elders were bedridden, family needed to massage and turn them regularly, or the blood wouldn’t flow and the tissue would die.

"But..." Spiral White Zetsu hesitated.

"Besides, Lord Madara, the king of Konoha’s dancers, must dream of standing on stage and dancing again before he dies." Bai Mu continued to coax.

Spiral White Zetsu and Spiky White Zetsu whispered together for a long time.

"Bai Mu is truly a caregiving genius! We’ve decided to help a disabled old man return to the stage and fulfill his final wish!" The two White Zetsus raised their thumbs in unison.

Madara Uchiha was utterly exhausted after a lifetime of fighting. So weak that even Spiral White Zetsu wrapped around him couldn’t wake him.

In the original, Spiral White Zetsu was like living armor, often masquerading as Tobi, attached to Obito’s body for mischief, and greatly enhancing his power.

Now, Spiral White Zetsu wrapped around Madara, slowly stood up from the stone chair, the energy conduit at his back still connected.

"Alright... Time to start dancing. What counts as mission completion?" Bai Mu straightened his clothes and stepped forward.

"Dance for at least half an hour, and finish the five types of dance I specify."

"Fine, fine... I bet Madara Uchiha is sleeping so deeply he won’t wake up." Bai Mu snapped his fingers. "Music, lights, go!"