Chapter 34: Judge Cui

After waking up in the evening, Liu Jun and Fatty grabbed a bite to eat before heading to the shop. This time, instead of practicing talisman drawing, he worked on the "Tai Xuan Heart Sutra" that Dog Brother had given him. After a while, Dog Brother came downstairs.

"Stop practicing for now. Since you two are now in this trade, you need to make a trip to the Underworld," Dog Brother said, looking at Liu Jun and Fatty.

"Dog Brother, stop joking. Can we even come back if we go down there?" Liu Jun asked, terrified. What on earth? Why did they suddenly need to go to the Underworld? He hadn't lived enough of his wonderful life in the mortal realm yet.

"What are you rambling about? I’m not asking you to die and go down there. It’s a spiritual projection—you need to go down to register your status and get official recognition," Dog Brother explained, looking at the panicked Liu Jun.

"Oh, okay, that makes sense. Registering, got it. But we don't know the way, and we don't know how to do it."

"I'll go down with you." After saying this, Dog Brother gave Liu Jun a handful of dog fur.

It must be said, this fur was quite soft. It wouldn't be bad to pluck some more of Dog Brother’s fur to make a pillow. Liu Jun started sizing up Dog Brother with this thought in his head, feeling quite pleased with himself.

Dog Brother shivered. He turned his head and stared at Liu Jun. "I don't know what you're thinking, but if you keep looking at me like that, I'll swallow you." Liu Jun quickly lowered his head, admitting defeat.

Dog Brother then instructed Liu Jun to find a red string, tie his and Fatty’s wrists together, and sit cross-legged.

"Dog Brother, don't we need to set up candles or incense? Isn't it said that for soul projection, if something goes wrong, the candles will go out to warn you?" It wasn't Liu Jun's fault for asking; he had watched too many movies where they always used candles and performed rituals. Why was everything so simplified for them?

"Set up candles? Do you want me to stick a 'Double Happiness' sign on you and find a woman for you to get married to as well?" Dog Brother walked over, shouted "Off you go," and in an instant, the three of them were in a different place.

It was a gray, misty expanse—the air quality definitely wouldn't pass any standards. Suddenly, the fur in his hand stirred, flew out, and transformed into Dog Brother. This move was too cool. If he could do that, he would just throw a clump of hair every time he saw a ghost and transform into hundreds of himself. What kind of ghost could he not beat? Liu Jun thought happily; it was awesome.

They followed Dog Brother forward. If nothing else, the dirt road beneath their feet must lead to the Underworld. Everything around them was fog, and this was the only path. After walking for a while, they saw a sign standing by the road. Liu Jun and Fatty walked over to take a look:

"Protect the environment, everyone is responsible. Please do not litter or discard human organs. — Underworld Environmental Protection Bureau."

Liu Jun and Fatty were both stunned. Forget the sign itself; what was the Underworld Environmental Protection Bureau? Had the Underworld become this modernized?

They continued walking forward, still dazed, when they suddenly saw a severed arm by the side of the road. Well, that explained why the Environmental Protection Bureau had signs against littering; it was certainly quite terrifying to look at.

Walking further, a massive gate appeared before them. There was only one word to describe it: enormous! Hanging on the left and right sides of the gate were three huge cyan lanterns, and at the top, the words "Ghost Gate Pass" were clearly written. It would have been a normal scene, but some Underworld bigwig with a screw loose had hung a banner above it:

"Welcome to Ghost Gate Pass."

Wow, a bilingual welcome. People were already depressed enough about being dead; did they really need this? It was truly heart-wrenching.

Past the Ghost Gate Pass, the road changed. Dog Brother said this was the Road to the Yellow Springs. Many flowers bloomed along the path, lush and vibrant, but not a single leaf could be seen. These must be the flowers of the Other Shore. After walking for a while, they saw a wide, surging river. This had to be the legendary River of Forgetfulness.

The water of the River of Forgetfulness was a bloody yellow, filled with lonely spirits and ghosts unable to reincarnate, teeming with insects and snakes, and reeking of decay. A bridge spanned the river, guarded by several ghost deputies in red and black uniforms, holding long swords and shields. Given the signs and banners earlier, Liu Jun had expected the ghost deputies to be carrying guns. The deputies kept inspecting the souls crossing the Bridge of Helplessness; some walked across smoothly, while others were kicked directly into the river.

The Underworld wasn't very high-tech, either. Even the apple-sorting machines back in his hometown could categorize things—good ones into the box, bad ones into the basket—but here, they had to do it manually.

Liu Jun followed Dog Brother onto the bridge, expecting to wait in line, but Dog Brother led them straight across the middle. When the ghost deputies saw them, they didn't stop them; instead, they stopped what they were doing and bowed. In that moment, Liu Jun felt incredibly powerful, like he was floating. He nodded and smiled at the deputies like a leader on an inspection tour, his eyes conveying the message: "Good job, little ghost, I have high hopes for you."

Off the bridge, there was a stone on the right labeled "Stone of Three Lives." On the left was a platform with "Terrace of Looking Home" written beneath it. Beside the terrace stood a small pavilion containing a table with many bowls. Next to the table was a large cauldron, and a beautiful woman in white was gently stirring it with a long ladle.

As they passed the cauldron with Dog Brother, the woman in white looked up, smiled slightly, and nodded at Dog Brother. Dog Brother immediately stood up straight and returned the gesture, though he didn't speak and kept moving forward. It was quite funny to see Dog Brother stand upright to bow, but Liu Jun didn't dare laugh. He might often court death, but he wouldn't do something that was guaranteed to kill him.

As they walked, Dog Brother told Liu Jun that the woman in white was Meng Po. She wasn't powerful in terms of combat, but she was worthy of respect.

It was said that Meng Po was originally a wandering immortal. Seeing the endless grievances and emotional entanglements of the world—things people couldn't let go of even after death—she came to the River of Forgetfulness, set up a cauldron at the head of the Bridge of Helplessness, and refined those lingering attachments into "Meng Po Soup." Once the souls drank it, they would forget their past lives' loves and hates, shed their earthly burdens, and enter the next cycle of reincarnation.

Not long after crossing the bridge, a massive city appeared before them. The walls were a hundred feet high, and the city was wrapped in ghostly energy, feeling dark and gloomy. At the city gate stood several imposing ghost soldiers in bronze armor, holding long spears.

Walking through the gate, Liu Jun expected a ghostly wasteland, but it was just like an ancient city. Shops lined the streets, with people buying, selling, shouting, and even performing acrobatics. One ghost even took his own head off and put it back on, which was quite exciting, though few ghosts bothered to watch—presumably, they could all do it.

All in all, Fengdu City was much livelier than he had imagined. Following Dog Brother, they walked until they saw a building that looked like an ancient government office. Looking up, the words "Underworld Judicial Arbitration Office" were shining brightly. Two ghost deputies at the door bowed slightly upon seeing Dog Brother.

"Is Judge Cui in?" The Judge Cui that Dog Brother mentioned was the top figure in the Underworld. It was said that he wore red robes, held the Book of Life and Death in his left hand, and the Soul-Snatching Pen in his right. He was tasked with extending the lives of the virtuous and sending the wicked to their final judgment. They said he could "manage the affairs of the living by day and judge the injustices of the dead by night, exposing both man and ghost, surpassing even the gods."

"The Judge is in. Lord Huo, please wait a moment, I will go report it." The deputy ran inside and returned shortly after, inviting them in. But why did the deputy call Dog Brother "Lord Huo"?

Inside, they saw a place resembling a courtroom. Where the magistrate would usually sit, a man was writing furiously. Seeing them enter, he stopped his brush and walked down. This man must be Judge Cui, but his attire made Liu Jun’s teeth ache—a judge in a suit and tie? Who would have believed it?

"Lord Huo, why have you come? The last time you plucked a clump of hair from Lord Di Ting, he was still looking for you everywhere," Judge Cui said, glancing at Liu Jun and Fatty before bowing helplessly toward Dog Brother.

"No matter, no matter. That white-haired pug is just stingy; plucking a bit of hair won't kill him. This time, I’ve brought the disciples of Old Daoist Li down to register. Take care of it for me." After saying this, Dog Brother walked over to where Judge Cui had been sitting and started munching on some fruit.

Liu Jun and Fatty felt like a massive storm was raging in their hearts. This was terrifying. Their lazy Dog Brother actually dared to pluck Di Ting’s hair—he was truly heaven-defying! They definitely had to stay on his good side from now on.

"Take the disciples of Daoist Li to register as affiliate members. You two, just follow my subordinate to get it done," he said, ignoring them and turning back to talk to Dog Brother. It was understandable—what level was Judge Cui, and what were they? They probably wouldn't have even gotten a glance from the Judge if not for Dog Brother, let alone have him speak to them.

A ghost deputy stepped forward and gestured for Liu Jun and Fatty to follow him, leading the way.