019 No Longer Want to Live
Mao Mu climbed the tree swiftly, reaching the top in just a few moves.
It was a massive slender-leaf banyan tree, its trunk so wide that it took two people to encircle it with their arms. The lowest branch hung more than three meters above the ground.
The slender-leaf banyan, the sky-reaching tree, and the oil palm were the most common trees in this area.
The sky-reaching tree had a smooth, straight trunk, making it difficult to climb.
The oil palm was relatively shorter and unsuitable for climbing to gain a vantage point.
They chose the slender-leaf banyan. Lin Yan, who had never climbed a tree before, felt that if she were an adult, she wouldn’t be able to climb it relying on her own strength.
“Lao Hei, can you climb up there?”
“I used to be able to, but it’s harder now.”
“Can Mao Mu take me up?”
After hesitating, Lao Hei replied uncertainly, “Probably.”
After about twenty minutes, Mao Mu came down.
He smiled and said, “Lucky, there were no big bugs up there.”
“Quick, take me there,” Lin Yan said excitedly. Finally, she could see farther. Since opening her eyes each day, she had only ever seen what was right in front of her; seeing beyond that had been too difficult.
Mao Mu placed Lin Yan on his back and tied her with hemp rope before beginning to climb.
Lao Hei stayed at the foot of the tree, looking up as they quickly disappeared from sight.
The slender-leaf banyan’s branches and leaves were dense and highly branched; the tree could block the sun, shading the ground beneath where only low grasses grew.
After more than ten minutes of climbing, they finally reached the top.
Mao Mu found a good spot, leaning against a sturdy banyan branch for support. He stood up, untied Lin Yan from his back, and held her in front of him.
He parted the dense branches and leaves to allow Lin Yan to see.
“Lin Yan, look, that over there is the Sun River.”
“Mm-hmm, I see it,” Lin Yan nodded. “This tree is really tall. You can see very far.”
“Yes, we made the right choice.”
Mao Mu had climbed trees since childhood and was familiar with the distant scenery.
Lin Yan, however, was seeing the horizon for the first time.
Looking out, a lush expanse of trees stretched out, followed by the wide Sun River, like a silver ribbon adorning the green earth.
Beyond the Sun River was more greenery, the land gradually rising with faintly visible undulations in the distance.
Lin Yan turned her head to look in another direction, and the view remained the same.
Unwilling to give up, she shifted again, hoping to see that side in more detail.
Apart from the striking Sun River, everything else was similar.
---
An immense, magnificent expanse of lush beauty stretched out, without significant rises or falls—like a vast plain.
After noting this direction and all she saw, and having Pang Bao take a picture, Lin Yan said, “Let’s move to another spot and look around all sides.”
She wanted to understand exactly what kind of place the Sun Tribe’s territory was.
Mao Mu tied her to his back and changed position.
Lin Yan opened her eyes wide, examining carefully, and finally saw something other than green.
“What’s that over there?”
“Don’t know,” Mao Mu answered honestly. “It’s too far. None of our people have ever been there. I’ve asked around the tribe; no one knows what it is.”
Lin Yan oriented herself. That was northwest—far away, with rolling hills and several towering mountains, some peaks piercing the clouds.
Some mountains were covered with vegetation; on the western side, some peaks appeared bare, likely rocky hills.
She etched this scene into her mind and shifted direction again.
Due west was the direction they hunted.
Beyond stretched a grassland, and farther still, rolling hills.
After a full circle and careful observation, Lin Yan had a general understanding of the surroundings.
Using the sunrise side as east, the Sun River roughly ran north to south.
Along the Sun River basin lay an expansive plain spreading widely on both sides, with hills in the distant background.
The western mountains were tall and majestic, with rocky peaks.
The eastern horizon seemed endless and relatively flat.
To the north and south flowed the Sun River through the great plain.
Far to the north, the Sun River curved sharply.
That was all she could see; to learn more, she would have to travel there herself.
The world was vast, and the Sun Tribe was hidden within it. Venturing beyond this territory was extremely difficult.
Now they lived by the river; the Sun River nurtured this group of people.
Lin Yan thought that along the Sun River basin, there must be other people or tribes, but the dense forests and myriad animals blocked their paths.
Humans were still too weak, so insignificant before nature.
Wanting to live the life she once had made Lin Yan even more despairing.
Her usual withdrawal began. On the way back, Lin Yan’s mood was low; she couldn’t summon any enthusiasm.
Mao Mu and Lao Hei focused on walking carefully, vigilant, unaware of her unusual behavior.
For two days straight, Lin Yan remained unusually silent, unwilling to speak or move.
Her favorite pastime was lying at the cave entrance, basking in the sun, motionless for hours.
---
Hua Hong and Yezi often left early and returned late, not noticing anything unusual.
But Mu Shi, Lao Hei, and Mao Mu all observed the change.
Not only them; Wild Sprout and the children who came to Lin Yan to learn words also sensed something different.
Shuisheng was the most perceptive; he was the first to ask Lin Yan, “What’s wrong with you?”
The other children gathered around, eager to know what was happening.
Before, she had been small but more like a little adult—steady and calm, eyes shining. Now she resembled a fish stranded on the shore, limp and lifeless.
Lin Yan opened her eyes weakly. “I don’t want to live anymore.”
The children all widened their eyes.
Wild Sprout shouted anxiously, “Why don’t you want to live?”
“Yeah, why?”
“Life is so good; why wouldn’t you want to live?”
…
The children babbled, quickly turning into a noisy argument.
Lin Yan let them talk, saying nothing.
Shuisheng couldn’t stand it and yelled, “Everyone be quiet!”
After a moment, the children calmed down. Shuisheng looked around and said, “Be quiet. Don’t speak yet. Listen to Lin Yan. Don’t say anything until I say you can.”
The children nodded with big eyes.
Shuisheng was the oldest among them. He had traveled outside with his family several times and was a leader among the little ones.
Maintaining order, Shuisheng lowered his voice. “Lin Yan, why don’t you want to live? Everyone in the tribe is struggling desperately to survive. You’re so young—why don’t you want to live?”
Shuisheng couldn’t understand. Lin Yan was so smart and knew so many new and wondrous things—things he was curious about and longed for. He wanted more time to explore, to discover.
Lin Yan lazily rolled over, shifting from lying on her back to sitting up, her expression troubled. “Knowing too much isn’t always a good thing.”
“How so?”
Seeing Lin Yan silent, Shuisheng added, “If you don’t tell us, how are we supposed to know what you’re thinking or help you?”
The other children nodded softly, all looking at her with hopeful eyes.
Looking into those pure black eyes, Lin Yan suddenly felt how cowardly she had been.
These children understood nothing, yet were full of hope for the future, while she, an adult, wallowed in self-pity, only thinking of herself and shrinking back at the slightest difficulty.